mandala by blakegordondesign
low self esteem and cigarettes ☹


Mandala by blakegordondesign VIIXI
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VIIXI
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| I'm Dominic | Arizona | 19 | Singer| bae | the wife | the bb |
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It sickens me how decisions are made to glorify a specific group of people. I’m sorry, but the last time I checked, your opinion will never influence my life or my thought process. No one’s life will influence mine, unless I say it does. It’s my own life, not any one else’s. You want to control who I love? Good luck, I’ll get married elsewhere. Let’s amp it up a bit, and lets give small corporations the power to enforce their own personal beliefs upon you. Lets control the heath care they shall receive. Let’s give these small businesses the power to control you based on their own moral views. I’m sorry, but how is a vasectomy any different from a “morning after” pill? Both are preventing life. Tell me, how one is covered, and one is not under a health care that your business provides? I don’t see any equality in this. I see discrimination.

I can’t sleep.

Again.

I really just miss the feeling of being wanted. The feeling where you know someone is going to sleep wishing you were there with them.
I miss the little things, the coffee dates, the kisses, the long hugs that just fill the empty spot between standing next to and getting in your car. I miss being able to know you’re there at every waking moment when I need someone. I miss having a higher self esteem.
After being constantly led on, and being dropped after a guy got what he wanted, really just makes me feel so low of myself.
Like I’m not worth his time, or his, or his. So why am I worth anyone’s time? Why would somebody want me? I’m too easy, i get attached at the thought of someone even showing the slightest bit of interest in me. It’s not really a present thing, so I take advantage of it.
People tell me that I shouldn’t be sad, and that I shouldn’t think low of myself and that I’m good looking, but what about to the ones I thought cared about me? Why would they lead me to think I fit these statement? It’s the ones who show me that I can’t trust anyone, after putting so much trust into them. My thoughts don’t depict my showing emotions, but it gets harder every day just feeling like I’m not worth anyone’s time. Topping it all off with hiding the fact that I feel so broken inside. Feeling like there’s something wrong with me. Constantly.

This has been my only escape basically.
My last escape was taken from me, so here I am.

I really can’t stand the nights that I can’t fall asleep because I think about that one thing I had in my life that I let slip away. My music. The one thing that helped me through it all. My lyrics. The words that actually spoke about me. The lyrics that could get me through the day knowing I was able to let out myself into poetry, into music. The fact that I even remotely thought of giving that all up because of some people who broke me down to think I wasn’t good enough for them. 
I’m so much more than that. I just can’t bring myself to put myself into another situation where I’ll be right back to where I am now, again. 
Crying every other fucking night because of how much I failed at my first attempt, and how I shouldn’t go back to avoid the pain. 
I can’t think like that.

shmust

come have fun in tinychat


seriously, this homework work and school thing is killing me, because they all run into each other all the fucking time. 

The last time I have ever felt so close to someone so fast was when I met Mal. It was great knowing I could have such a great friendship with her so quickly and we still have it.
Now I found Brian, growing so close just as fast, but our friendship is a romantic one, Brian and I. It’s a great thing knowing there are still good people in the world, and I’ve surrounded myself with the very best.
Brian, you’re my boyfriend and I think you’re the best yet. It’s been so amazing spending so much time with you, getting to know you, being your partner. I love it.

Mal, you mean the absolute world to me. We have had mostly just ups, and recently some downs, but honestly with all that aside I still love you to death. Remember, even if it’s not a real song anymore, our quote still has such a significant meaning to me. Our friendship will always last no matter what happens. “If you die, I’ll meet you there. ” Literal or not, it defines us as the friends we are. I love you.

Taylor, we haven’t talked much lately, but when we do, and when we see each other, its nothing but good vibes and fun times. I can’t imagine a life without putting up with with your attitude. We are a great example of an everlasting friendship. Almost 5 years and still going strong.

Keely, I can’t imagine how my life would have been if I didn’t meet you. Really, you’ve made such an impact in my life and who I am today. Honestly you are my older sister and always will be. Whether you live in Michigan or right next to me, you’ll always have a place in my heart.

Anna, you’re a sassy bitch and I love you. We bond so well and I’m glad we met. We seem to kind of bounce off each other. Our differences are the things that probably make us get along so well. We have been there for each other since we met and you’re a real (dare I say it) homie. Hah, can’t believe I said homie. What did you do to me? 💁

Okay I’ll stop with my heart pouring about friends and shit. There really are so many people to talk about who have greatly impacted my life, I’m just too tired to continue. :p

I feel like I haven’t posted in a while.
I guess that’s a good thing, because I’m not super sad anymore. 
I’m just stoked to play with Such Gold on the 14th!

I just wanna know you better.

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